“Mama, you prayed and prayed for me? Why?” “Because I wanted you to be safe and I loved you very, very much.” “You gotten me from the… Read more “The First of Many”
Last night, I dreamt I was in this instuitional type place. Like an old community college or hospital. I was there, waiting, and got bored, so started… Read more “Another Dream”
It takes a lot more courage to let something go than it does to hang on to it, trying to make it better. Letting go doesn’t mean ignoring a situation. Letting go means accepting what is, exactly as it is, without fear, resistance, or a struggle for control. Letting go means standing still and letting the world, or a piece of it, crumble at your feet while saying to yourself, “Mmmm, that’s interesting!”
Iyanla Vanzant, from my Facebook feed this morning.
You know, this is so true. I resisted letting go of my relationship with Sugar Biscuit’s birth mom, and my ideals of what I thought it should be. I resisted so long, and so hard, that I truly believe I prolonged the hurting for all of us, prolonged the inevitable.
Just because *I* wanted, and she said she wanted, this great relationship, and *I* wanted her to get better, wether she was ready to or not, didn’t mean anything. The Universe, or God, or Goddess, had other plans in mind, had a Greater Good to attend to. There was more to the picture than I could see, and finally, because of my stubbornness, I was shown all of it, whether I wanted to see or not.
At least now I can know that walking away was the best thing, and the right thing. It doesn’t mean we have to always stay gone, but it does mean that we are where we are for a reason, even if I can’t see completely what that reason is.
I’m okay with that now. Okay with not fully understanding, and trusting the way things played out. Okay with knowing I did the best I could, and acted always out of love. I’m okay with looking back on it all, and saying, “Mmmm, that was interesting!”
I found this letter to SB’s birth mom, dated last year, and thought I would share. It’s interesting to read it now that we are on the… Read more “Letter to Birth Mom, January 9, 2012”
CASA had dinner with BioMom, and she has reaffirmed her decision to drop the appeal. I should be expecting to see something filed to that effect in… Read more “This day keeps getting better!”