It is okay to drink Prosecco at 1:30 in the afternoon if you meet at least two of the following requirements:
- You have an expensive bottle that you just had one glass of last night and it will lose its fizz if not consumed promptly.
- Your grandmother who helped make you who you are has died within the last 24 hours.
- You are waiting on your mother’s breast cancer test results.
- You are celebrating getting a $200 Janie and Jack suit for your toddler for only $32 because it was on clearance and you had a coupon.
- You found a light up owl Halloween decoration for your porch on sale.
- Your dogs all have spiffy new collars and matching leashes.
- You snagged the last box of Lightning McQueen (otherwise known as “CarCar”.) bandaids at Target.
- You managed to look un-blimp-like in a pair of size 4 skinny jeans.
- Gymboree Music class was Elvis themed today.
- You finally found a shade of gel polish and regular polish that match, so you can get gel on your fingers, and regular on your toes.
- Overall, you managed to not be an asshole on a day where you feel like being an asshole.
Having met all of these requirements, I think I will also allow myself a bowl of potato chips.
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