It is okay to drink Prosecco at 1:30 in the afternoon if you meet at least two of the following requirements:

  1. You have an expensive bottle that you just had one glass of last night and it will lose its fizz if not consumed promptly.
  2. Your grandmother who helped make you who you are has died within the last 24 hours.
  3. You are waiting on your mother’s breast cancer test results.
  4. You are celebrating getting a $200 Janie and Jack suit for your toddler for only $32 because it was on clearance and you had a coupon.
  5. You found a light up owl Halloween decoration for your porch on sale.
  6. Your dogs all have spiffy new collars and matching leashes.
  7. You snagged the last box of Lightning McQueen (otherwise known as “CarCar”.) bandaids at Target.
  8. You managed to look un-blimp-like in a pair of size 4 skinny jeans.
  9. Gymboree Music class was Elvis themed today.
  10. You finally found a shade of gel polish and regular polish that match, so you can get gel on your fingers, and regular on your toes.
  11. Overall, you managed to not be an asshole on a day where you feel like being an asshole.

Having met all of these requirements, I think I will also allow myself a bowl of potato chips.