Our agency called yesterday, saying that Picasso’s current placement wants him moved by Friday, and asking us to take him then. They are going to work finding a placement in another city, closer to his siblings, so he wouldn’t be here long. The problem is, we have tickets to a seminar this weekend for my birthday and family coming in town next week, making our house full. Plus, I’m just exhausted. Two weeks of caring for extra kids in addition to some wonky things life has thrown our way recently means I need a break. If I don’t take one, it’s not going to be pretty. I’ve made tremendous strides in knowing what I can do, and what I can’t, and in self care. I’m sad for Picasso, but the good thing for our family is that we were able to have some more talks about exactly what everyone wants and how to balance all of our needs as we move forward.

I think another good thing that came from our previous experience fostering is that our family does a better job of checking in with each other and honoring each other’s wishes. Hubs and I take the things the kids say seriously, and we value their input. They don’t always get their way, but hopefully they know that they are heard. I won’t lie. It’s really hard balancing my passion for hurting children and wanting to “save the world” (Dozer’s words, not mine) with the needs of my family. I’m guessing this is similar to women who have a passion for their jobs outside of the home trying to be the best mom and wife they can be. I’ve been home and fully present for my kids, for the most part, since 2001. It’s an adjustment for them when I’m on the phone, supporting other foster parents, going to meetings, working on licensing paperwork, parenting foster kids through behaviors. We had such a great talk yesterday and I think they understand my need to find fulfillment outside of housewifery. My big kids will be moved out by the time I am 45. I need to have work that fills my soul and fires my heart, work that sustains me. I’m pretty sure we are going to be able to work together as a family and find something that suits us and blesses a lot of kids.