(The following letter is not kind, and it is not generous, and I am not proud of all it contains. Honestly, I feel like an awful person just for thinking these things. But I felt like I needed to share it, as adoption is such a complex issue and there are SO many emotions swirling around as we process what the last year has been for us. Don’t worry, I’m not going to mail it. It’s just me, talking out loud, working through things.)
My son’s name is G. He is my son, I chose this name for him. I expect you to honor it. Please refrain from sending items inscribed with his former name. The monkey, book, and tractor you sent were appropriate gifts. However, the other book, with your voice recorded into it, detailing all the things you plan to do with my son when you see him again was not. I need you to understand that it is highly likely you will not see G until he turns 18, if ever. It will be up to him. John and I do not feel like you are safe or stable, and this is further evidenced by the fact that you would get our son such a gift. Do you not understand how confusing such a gift might be for a child? If you cannot stop yourself from referring to our son by his old name, and if you cannot find gifts for him that are more appropriate, we would ask that you cease contact and keep the items you purchase for him at your home, until he is of age to decide what type of relationship, if any, he wants to have with you. In addition, please do not refer to yourself as “Momma S”.
Surely I needn’t remind you that you had an opportunity to enter into an open adoption with us. You were told, THREE times by the judge in your trial what your outcome would be, and what your options are. Instead, you chose to drag my family, and yourself, through a lengthy, expensive, and painful trial. This trial, and the information that came out during it, is the reason you do not have contact with any of us. It is also the reason why there is a court order requiring you to not have any contact with us except for through the mail. The entire situation we are in now is a direct result of your choices.
I ask that you respect my role as G’s mother. That is who I am, his mother.
I am G’s Mother.
He is my Son.
J is his Father.
And this is who we will be for the rest of our lives. I am working on myself, trying to be less angry, and I am praying to come to a place of peace and forgiveness with you, and the damage you did to my son. I hope to be there soon, but I’m not there yet. Time heals, but it won’t make me forget. That being said, I truly, honestly hope that you go on to have a fulfilling life and perhaps you are able to mother more children in the future. God be with you.