Last week, I was gifted with a profoundly spiritual experience. Since taking the mental and physical steps to separate our lives and the lives of Sugar Biscuit’s birth parents, I felt the need to start fresh, to commemorate the moment in which I chose to put the past behind me and walk forward into the future with open arms.
Luckily, I am also gifted with amazing people in my life who do all sorts of healing work. I’d been meaning to go see my friend Allison for healing energy work for months, and as it often does, the Universe presented an opportunity at the perfect time- the day after we made the final decision to cut all ties with the past.
I showed up at Allison’s, embraced her tiny, peppy, brunette form, and laid on her cozy massage table. Closing my eyes, I allowed whatever was going to happen to unfold. My intention for this session was simply to let go and begin anew. Release the past, the hurt, the anger, the sadness. And so as Allison began to gently lay hands on me, I simply sat with that intention and relaxed to the soothing spa music she played.
Almost at the end of the session, I was feeling very peaceful and half asleep. Suddenly, I saw what I can only describe as a vision. I was laying, covered in glowing white fabric, in the center of a group of people who were also glowing white and almost translucent. I sensed these people to be ancient- so old that they were almost genderless. I heard a haunting and gentle chanting. Then I watched, as they gently held me aloft. I then turned into an iridescent Phoenix-like creature and flew away. I smiled to myself, feeling freedom, and Allison finished working.
When we were done, Allison sat beside me and described what she’d completed. She basically opened and cleared all the energy fields and chakras in my body, and put everything in perfect running order. I felt like a million bucks. Allison explained to me what she had felt and intuited during our session, and I listened with rapt attention.
Allison said she had felt a group of people around me, and sensed I was covered in deep, deep wounds, as if a tiger had clawed me. She also saw the group of people covering me in glowing white bandages, healing my wounds, making me well and whole. We both started to cry. We’d experienced nearly the same visions.
And then, as if on cue, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” by Israel Kamakawiwoʻole began to play. It was startling, as it was completely out of place with the instrumental new age music that had been playing. I asked, “Is this a joke?” Allison laughed and told me this song had never come up on her Pandora playlist before. Every part of me knew this song played for me. I felt the deepest sense of gratitude that somehow, somewhere in my life there are unseen forces, helping me to heal and be whole, cheering me on. It’s nearly an overwhelming blessing, having such validation.
I also knew it was finally over. I hadn’t realized how much the past had ahold of me, how much the experience I’d been through colored my life, until I wasn’t walking with it anymore. All of the trauma that all of us went through for Sugar Biscuit to join our family is an old coat that no longer fits. It is part of my wardrobe that I can’t give away, hanging in a back closet somewhere, but I choose to not take it out and put it on ever again.
What we were, and what we experienced, is only a part of who we are. The history of this family and each person in it is simply a thread in the fabric of our lives. There’s no need to pick that thread out, keep worrying the tear, rending the whole unusable. We can continue doing our best, once we know better, and head right on over the rainbow.