Brave?

Over the last few weeks, several people have called me brave. My guess is that I appear that way because of my willingness to do hard things, go scary places. Compliments no longer make me uncomfortable, but  the word brave just didn’t sit right. I’ve ruminated over what I think might be a better word, and I’ve come up with convicted and faithful, with more than a little crazy thrown in.

I looked back over the last five years of my life, seeing the past clearly in my rearview mirror. Never did I dream that I would be here, living out miracles in my dream home, with the fourth child I’d always wanted snoring by my side as I type. There is nothing special about me, nothing that makes me different than anyone else, except maybe I’ve always, always believed that miracles are possible, and Joy lives right next door, with her life partner Grace, and they happen to serve fabulous snacks.

Over the last few years, I’ve learned to tune in, to listen to the drum beat of the Universe and dance along with the beat of what I believe is my Life’s Purpose. I’ve found that if I listen closely enough, I can ascertain the next best step to take, and I can find the courage to take it. There have been some desperate, scary moments from which I’ve emerged with skinned knees and thinning hair. But each time I’ve been able, with the help of the people who love me, to get up and keep it moving. I’ve been able to train my monkeys- the demons of anxiety and fear- and make them stay where they belong. At least for the most part, anyway.

And so over time, I’ve begun to see that we all contain within us the seeds of greatness, the ability to live a life of gratitude and fullness. We all have the choice of free will, the choice to sail unchartered waters in oder to travel to destinations we never thought possible. We just have to pay attention, learn to ask for help, keep it moving, and be wiling to make adjustments as needed.

It isn’t bravery to ask this world why we are here, and how we can do work that truly, truly matters. It isn’t bravery to set out on the journey of finding our highest selves. At least, I don’t think it is. I think it is simply an act of faith to ask the big questions, to go where we are led, and to know that when we fall, we will somehow manage to get back up and keep slogging forward.

Having seen the events that begin to unfold when we take that first step, I would say that I’m not brave, but perhaps greedy. It is my belief that when we seek our calling, when we choose to be of service to this world, the doors get blown off and blessings rain in on the windowsills, flooding our homes. I’ve seen what happens, and I’m ready for more.

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